Instigation Examination

... and a couple months later...

School, work, children, car troubles, financial ups, financial bombs, A couple of white lies, a few good deeds, unanswered questions, unanswered emails, shockers, screamers, deceit, areas of gray, Family reunited, family nearly torn apart, new friends that are always around the corner, old friends that haven't returned messages, new experiences, old experiences that keep creeping back, The Mars Volta introduction, reintroduction to Willy Wonka's fun dip, and 1997 revisited...


That struck some nails on the heads. Whew. Well, it's only going to get better. Through the past couple of months, I felt like life threw a test at me. To my disappointment, it wasn't an one parter and there was no multiple choice. It was one of those tests that seem to last for awhile. It's the kind of tests that come with breaks because of the length. It's not one of those tests that are pass or fail. It's the special kind of tests; the kind of test that teaches. Did I learn? Somewhat. I believed I learned perseverance through a new light. When I think of perseverance, I get the mental image of a determined workout. I learned that I have a bit of personal strength that I was doubtful of (but also always aware of). Determination is a funny word to use to describe the lesson I learned. I found myself in some bad situations and negative places but I also found myself connecting with those that I always wanted to connect to, such as my children. I took a step back and listened closer to what they were saying. And sometimes, I hear more when they're not using words. A particular incident comes to mind.


This particular morning, my daughter greeted me outside with a hug and her ritualistic knee hugs as I got home from school. She asked me the usual questions.

"Daddy, Did you go to work?"

"No, baby, I was at school. It's Tuesday."


"Daddy, did you drink coffee this morning?"

"Yes, baby."


"Daddy, do you have homework?"

"Yes, baby."


The usual questions fills me with pure happiness. It's the kind of questions that say "I love you" in so many words. As the morning progressed, I found myself denying a game of Pokemon Sorry multiple times, because I knew that I had work to do. I caved in before noon and sat down for a quick game. The quick game only lasted as long as her Four-year-old attention span (which was surprisingly 15 minutes). After we she got comfortable with the rules, she was in the zone with few words. I found myself watching her intently. It was a moment of content. I ended up getting a few pieces jumped and I'm pretty sure she got a touchdown in the game of Sorry by her score [By "comfortable with the rules", I meant comfortable]. As I saw the board on the play area of the floor, she told me a story in her actions. She wasn't trying to win or be number one. In her own methodology, she was making an area for all of our game pieces (which were Pokemon in this particular version) to congregate together. My daughter, the peace maker. Don't get me wrong, she's an effective instigator, especially after lunch.
It takes time to enjoy some moments, even if it takes getting caught in a completely different moment to realize that. That statement seems a bit contradicting but I meant every word.

Until next time,
Take care.

MP

Feet On The Seat, Revisited

Registration for school is almost complete but an old question came up. What do I want to do? Medical Assisting was my desired field but I'm also being told that I have an option for nursing. It's a decision that I'm not going to take lightly. I'm weighing the options. The school transfer is a long process that I'm slowly getting through. As much as I want to bad mouth my previous school on the internet (Do you remember when that was the way to bash something?), I will refrain. I'll verbally warn people instead.

Let's jump.

Netflix. Oh, how I missed you. Netflix. I was a huge fan in the past because they had a great selection of independent films that was at the fingertips, but I slowly weened off over the years. Recently, I jumped back on the wagon with the trail and I'm seriously debating whether or not to remain on the wagon. Netflix. I can't say it enough. (You would think I have stock in the company)

My rediscovery led to a list.A list of my favorite movies up until this point. I have several but these are the most notable and in no order.

Scamper the Penguin

Yep, it's one of those kinda lists.  It's going to be more sporadic than anything. Scamper is a movie that I cherished as a child because it was Bambie, but it had significant differences. I still recall the golden cracker scene. It remains vivid in my mind. I own that movie after my mother picked it up while bargain hunting. You couldn't be able to tell our ages by the way we remembered about that movie out loud. Scamper deserves to be on the list due to the power to hold childhood memories. 

Eyes Wide Shut

Stanley Kubrick was always more accessible to me than David Lynch (although, I'm a fan of both directors). I'm comparing the two because after the first view of this particular movie, I felt some simlarities to a David Lynch film. It was almost dream like. This movie left me with an askew view of relationships in general. It always amazed me taht none of the parties in the film committed adultery physically, but emotionally it tore through them. This is also the movie that started my Nicole Kidman fascination. It wasn't exactly in the pin up manner of speaking (although, I do have a Nicole Kidman poster). It was more in an appreciative manner. She's an amazing actress and this movie proves it. Sometimes, it's overshadowed by the tabloids at that time period, but this movie deserved more credit than it was due.

Laugh, Clown, Laugh

This 1928 silent film introduced me to a world of cinema that I would have loved to be a part of. It follows a theme of being able to let go of what is close to one. From the opening sequence, I was hooked in. 

The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things

This movie left a bad, bad taste in my mouth, but not the same way Howard the Duck did. This movie had a way of grabbing a hold of me in the way it portrayed a child's twisted road of coming to age. The performances are breath taking. Marilyn Manson even makes a cameo as a creepo that sent chills down my spine.

"Boy, You ain't right"

I'm shivering now just thinking about it. This one is powerful but in a manner of being unafraid of showing a "other side of the tracks" life in a gut wrenching manner. 

The Road

I avoided this movie for the first year of it's release because quite frankly, I was tired of the apocalypse theme.  When I finally gave it time, I found one of the greatest movies that I've ever viewed. It's not so much a movie of survival as it is a story about the strength of a relationship between a father and son during a time where there isn't alot of hope. The wife and I sat down to view this and she agreed that it was good but I was using words such as "amazing" and " definitely a must have". The realization dawned on me that I releated to the character in the movie because I have a son. Well, I have sons. Although, I don't see the apocalypse in my future, I do see that inner need to do what it takes to keep the bond of family strong. 

 Long Island Expressway

I've mentioned this one before in the Ramblings but it needs another mentioning. I'll just leave out what I've mentioned before. Brain Cox's perfromance is unbelievable. He portrayed a monster that begged for sympathy. Although, the ending could seem over the top. The final spoken words are enough to send goosebumps up an arm. 

Toy Story

How could this movie ever be avoided? I'd like to think of this as a perfect movie. It entertained me as a child and made me chuckle as an adult. Disney and Pixar started a beautiful creation, and it continues. 

Fight Club

I once called this the greatest of all times. It's hard to call it a cult favorite because of all the positive reviews of it (There are negative, though). This movie made me laugh the first time, smirk the second, and quote it the third. Dark humor is scattered all over this one and the "surprise ending" isn't one that makes it a one time viewing. It actually makes it more intriguing and a bit more disturbing. 

Honorable Mentions: Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal (Yes, I liked that one), The Shining, Dogville, and Lost highway. 

That does it for me, for now. Thanks for reading.

Until next time,

MP

It's a Bird, It's a Diversion, It's a Lead In

It's late and I have to go to work in less than 6 hours. Aw, man. I remember similar early mornings like this, but this time, I can blame coffee. Caffeine. Addictive Caffeine. That should be warning enough that this is going to be random. But more of a random jump into a particular topic. Starting...

Hero...
I ran across a question today that I have avoided for some tim3.

'Who is you role model in life?'

It's funny to see this as an adult because I gave it alot of thought when i was young, but not as much when I came into my own [grew up a bit]. Children are asked this question a few times through growing up. It's not embarassing when they don't have an answer. It's embarassing because no one in their life has given a reason to answer. There's proof that the world is full of hope when there is an answer. Personally, I 've always looked to up to my mother. She defined the term "leader" for me. It wasn't until I fully assumed the role of a father that I've realized that I has another answer that 'makes sense' [for the lack of a better term]. My brother, who's 2 years younger than myself, laid down the foundation of that leader role that I'm in now. My mother gave me the guidelines and the advice but the experiences [throughout life] with my brother helped shaped me also. It could also explain the protectivenes that I show for my pack. It seemed that at every family gathering, bro always for outshined by yours truly. One instance comes to mind. This conversation occured outside on Christmas eve about 5 years ago. My daughter was new to the world and the majority of that side of the family gave me the most attention. My brother was on his way into the Marine Corps.

Bro: Did you see that?

Pedro: What?

Bro: Grandmas gave you the Chevrolet watch?

Pedro: It's a nice watch.

Bro: They gave me a [expletive] pink watch.What the [expletive]?

Pedro: That is kinda missed up.

Bro: No 'Thank you for going out there and defending  our country'. No 'Hey, You could die over there'. Nope. Hey, here's a pink watch while we give the cool watch to the [expletive] who will probably have ten kids before he's 30.



I had a good laugh that night. It was a light-heated rant. Don't let the foul language fool you. Although, he did have some good points. He was on his way into the Marine Corps and did deserve alot more recognition than he received.

My brother, the Marine. I like to consider it more of my brother who happens to be a Marine. It makes me feel horrible when i see tear soaked send offs for soldiers leaving their home, their country to ultimatly defend that home. My brother got a trip to the bar and a night of reminencing. It seemed fit though. It's that blind faith that kept all of our heads up at that moment (the rest of my family, including my brother at that time). He reminds me that loud noises  and comotion aren't always needed to make the most impact. That goes for celebration and the category of other.

When I seen that question today today, his smug face smirking back at me was a reminder of the question. When I type that question, I have to reconfirm that my brother is very much alive and kicking today. He's married and has a life ahead of him. Death shouldn't be an excuse to remember the great ones. Appreciation was due and I paid up.

Am I rambling? Yep, I'm making sure the title fits.

Speaking of title, I have a few things to clear up due to some emails/messages I recieved.

1. No, My name is not Pedro. It's a pen name ... or an identity crisis. I'm not sure yet.

2. Yes, I like referring to myself in the third person, alot. It reminds me of that 'Jimmy' episode on Seinfeld.

3. I do appreciate your readership. Each and every single one. Leave comments. Cotinue to message.

Thanks you again for reading. I am going to try and salvage what time I have with the cold side of my pillow.

MP

Barefooted Rambling Without Reloading

It's been awhile but what better way than just to jump in... head first with some random thoughts.


1st- I missed blogging, even if it was videos and quotes. There's a few reasons that I avoided 'rambling' for a little bit. For the most part, I've spent more time on other writing projects. The latest is almost a type of Memoir. I started it off to vent but the more and more I write it, I'm rediscovering some gems of moments. Rediscovery and also a bit of re-examining some moments. It's been an experience and it only keeps getting deeper. In the long run, this kind of writing will prove helpful. Another reason why I've been unrambling, Life continues to be a ball player and throws curve balls. I wouldn't have it any other way. Twists and turns. Twists and turns.

2nd random thought- I was called a bum today. At first, I was angry because 1) it was a work situation and I couldn't react... comfortably and 2) It was how the lady said it. It felt like an attack. She made a few good points. I'm starting to look like I run through the woods at night and scratch behind the ears with my good foot. And I'm an absolute dirty worker. What can I say? I'm a cook by nature. If I'm not making a mess, I feel like I'm resting. If my pants aren't filthy in a couple of hours, I've wasted time doing crap.

After some thought, I wasn't and am not angry enough to do anything about it. I shower  and shave enough to keep it out of my eyes. Howl on.


It did have me think second about the homeless. They get a bad rep. Espescially the homeless with cell phones. Tis Tis, I'll leave that for another blog.



3rd- Speaking of bums, I watched an excellent movie a  few weeks ago. Hobo with a Shotgun.

This a breath of fresh air compared to any other movie I've seen in the past year. The title actually says it all. A HOMELESS MAN takes care of corruption with a SHOTGUN. When I say corruption, It's not  a buildup that develop over contrived dialouge and extended shots of "city life". It's shown in a manner that makes one question their own sanity for sitting through it. Gory and over the Top doesn't necessarily mean bad. Not in this case.


4th- I heard a great song by The Rolling Stones that surprised me of the 2005 release date. I was expecting something a bit earlier.

That does it for tonight. I felt a need to put a stop to the inactivity.

Until next time, 

MP

An Uncompleted Path of Diversion

I was going to begin this one with the broad topic of children's programming. I actually was finishing the post where I took a stab or two at that yellow, bucktooth sponge and ask the rhetorical question, 'Why should we trust a 7 year old and a monkey with shoes to guide us through the jungle?'

But... Life is filled with sudden turns and twists that the silver screens and authors of fiction only strive to create realistically. I received news that my grandfather, who came out of surgery with a thumbs up now has taken the turn for the worst. I'm not a big fan with blending too much of my personal life into the blog (take notice of the absence of names), so I'll do what I do when I get those strange urges to randomly type about nonsense.... I'll type about nonsense. That's just the forewarning.


I picked a safe topic with the next name on the MPULGS....Mister Pedro's Uncompleted List of Great Storytellers. Today, I wanted to put a spotlight on Jack White (III). Jack White is best known for his work in The White Stripes. He never fails to amaze me every time I listen to Get Behind Me Satan (by The Stripes).  It's not my favorite album of the group but the lyrics along with Jack White's voice carrying them gives 'storytelling' another defintion. With tracks like ' White Moon' and 'I'm Lonely, But I ain't that Lonely Yet', he takes (the willing) audience member to a place that he painted with unique tones. Although Mr. White accomplished alot with The Stripes, He's had success with other projects of his such as The Raconteurs. Watching his live performances of 'Blue Veins' showcases his ability to tweak that guitar's sound in a solo to tell a story that is so packed with emotion, words would only touch the surface. Example:

Beautiful. Speaking of the Raconteurs and storytelling, The next example is proof enough why Jack White is today's addition to the MPULGS. I strongly encourage treating yourself to this next performance. This song gave me goosebumps during the first listen (with the release of the Consolers of the Lonely). Without any further build up, 

All credit goes to the original artist(s). 

Until next time,
MP

(NOTE: I was messaged by several readers about the problem with commenting and I have fixed it. I apologize for that inconvinence. Comments are welcomed and encouraged... and will be read. )

Thank you for reading.

4 AM Double Heart Stoppers

Father's Day has arrived. It has been a day of reflection, so far. I haven't did much of what I had planned but I had time to just look around to see just what 'I' am a part of. The realization slowly fell on me this morning as I was asking 'Who left scissors on the couch?'. I know who did it. I consider it a part of my wide array of father skills... and this one in particular is the honing specialty. My daughter came to the couch with a pouty look and fought mumbling under her breath (because who really enjoys being in the wrong...really?). She picked up the scissors and placed them in a different area. i gave her a mini lecture which sounded about the same as it always did. That's when the relization fully hit me. At that moment...

For most of my life, I have been fighting the norm, a routine. For the longest time, I have did my best to avoid routine because I dreaded the responsibility and the time it took to find one that works. When I became a father, it was an inner struggle... When I became a full fledged step-father, it became a war within. It was the immature resistance that fought against a routine. I recall a moment when I came home a few years back. after being out with my step father, bar hopping our livers into a crippled state. It was 4 o'clock in the morning on a Saturday and it wasn't a normal thing for me to do... so antics were bound to follow. I decided that 4 in the morning was a great time to cook warm up bacon cheeseburgers and hotdogs. But that wasn't good enough. I decided to make a monster sandwich while stumbling around the kitchen (attempting to stay as quiet as possible). My 5 year old (at the time) walked into the kitchen and stood directly behing me. I turned around, guilty that he caught me under the influence of alcohol.

"Hey, Buddy," was all I managed to get out. I asked him why was he up and directly behind me.
His response was that he was there to watch me and "make sure I don't get into trouble". That was a slap to the face and a knee to the midsection. It took the air out of me and brought tears to my eyes.

Jump forward to this morning... I found myself caught in a routine. It wasn't so much telling her this for the second time, it was more of the fact that this was an example. It was a part of the routine. As sporadic as I think it is at times, it is not. That's just the fib I tell myself. The truth is that I am in a routine and I am comfortable and happy. Being a father of five is a challenge. The role of a step father is tough but the truth is that they are mine. Parts of my personality can be seen in each of them. Their brashness reminds me of my toughness, while growing up. Their kinship to their siblings reminds me of my heart when it came to my brother. I may be considered the leader, but I'd be staring at a dead end if it was not for them. For my children, I love you dearly.

As a side note, it is Father's Day and I wish an awesome one to all Fathers who have paved the way to their sons for a role that has it's own hardships. Also, Father figures deserve a round (of applause...) because it's a tough role to step into when the label 'father' doesn't seem to fit. This also goes for the mothers who have to take on the role.

Side, Side note... for the (lack of fathers)... These people know who they are... and don't ever believe that 'it's never too late' because if you wait around without participating in a child's life... it will be. The lack of participation in a child's life is about as useful as all these periods ... ... ... that I'm randomly laying around this blog ... ... ...

Until next time,
MP

Thank you for reading.

2nd Intermission ... 30% more heat

Another quickie out of boredom. I was reading over some of my blogs from myspace and got a kick out of some it. Poor Myspace, Anyways, It got me thinking about the random things I did back then and found this.((Warning: a dirty word is used... it rhymes with ... itch. ))

My first and only Youtube video. It doesn't make me giggle like it once did but it's still quirky. Smallville... Wow. What happened to that show? ... (I know, I know)


Random jump to another topic, my children gave me my father's day presents early. I'll write more about it next time in the post that is entirely dedicated to Father's Day. The early gift-giving served a bit of irony to me... I'm proud of their impatience.

Until tommorow,
MP